Dear China:

We're sorry that you don't train your fighter pilots better. As a token of
our apology, here's a copy of Microsoft Flight Simulator 2000.

We're sorry that you're front-line fighter planes can't outmaneuver a 35 year
old prop-driven airliner. Perhaps you'd like to consider purchasing some
surplus 1950s era Lockheed Starfighters from Taiwan. (Who just replaced all
theirs with shiny new F-16s)

We're sorry that you believe your territorial waters extend all the way to
Australia. For future reference, here's an American 6th grade geography
textbook. (Please take note of the Copyright information printed inside the

We're sorry that you can't seem to see your part of this incident. We know
that it may seem easier to blame others than to take responsibility. Consider
this while we build several new Aegis destroyers for our friends in the
Republic of China (Taiwan).

We're especially sorry for treating you murderous Commies with such
undeserved respect for the last 20 years. We'll definitely rethink this
policy, and will probably go back to treating you like a common untrustworthy
street gang very soon.

We’re sorry you were disappointed to discover you found no new intelligence
information aboard the plane beyond what Bill Clinton had previously sold you.

We're very sorry for ever granting you Most-Favored-Nation trading status.
This will be rectified at the soonest possible opportunity.


The United States of America